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| i try and try but i don't succeed in anything that i do. i try to be a good friend but it doesn't work out most of the time. i try to help my friends...that doesn't work either. a couple of nights ago i thought i was going to kill myself... i just broke down when i was talking to my girlfriend...i said "i have to go i don't know if i will see you again im gonna do it...i love you, i love you so much, im sorry........" and i hung up. i feel like such a bad person for doing it. i feel like and asshole because of what i did. she says that the song hate me by blue october describes her life...but i have done so much shit that i shouldn't have everdone to her...it's all my fault that she feels that way and i know it is. |
| my borther sam is a in year 11 and my sister rachel ia in sixfrom |
I think Im depressed because lately Im feeling sad and lonely like I have no life and I have no reason to live Im just really sad I wish I wasnt feeling this way I hate it I just want to cry infact I am crying right now I wanna feel like I have a reason to live and have a boyfriend instead of kinda stalking ALBERT I just wanna be happy instead of sad
|
| yesterday was terribble. i had three tests to do. 2 i had to do at once and only got to the one.then i had a assembly about suicide and that really bugged me. the whole day was horrible. |
well yesterday i went st'pauls....
me and georgia went tescos wen we came bk we sat next to elise pairin and fijola then all of a sudden georgia started crying....first lukas went 2 c if she was ok..then elise then me!then elise went home...and lukas went off 2 talk to the boys...
georgias head was in er hands just crying..i asked er wats wrong she neva said anything....so i sed is it rhyan(the boy i am in love with,she lyks him aswell thats why i dnt really lyk er cus rhyan use 2 francy er too!but now he dsnt he fancys this polish grl nadine...i get really upset wen he lyks sum1 else i get jeliouse..coz he rejected me that once and sed no...and 2 c him lyk sum1 else....)
afta that she sed not really.
so i sed isit elise(coz theyre always pervin on boys at st'pauls that walk by...)eww
she sed no...
then i sed family problems she nodded er ed....then i took er 2 the bus stop so she cud go home.
rhyan arrives...i look at him in sadness....he looks at me bk...understandin wat i ment(witch was look at how upset i am)
i go bk 2 the group...
matt and karima bring dwn there elecrtic guitar and amp!
ppl who cud play the guitar played ..lukas played...mat and karima and micheal played it came 2 rhyans turn to play...i watched him play...soul on fire...he was amazing!!
lukas had 2 go home so he went...
all the ppl left were matt, karima, rhan, ben,big joe, frankie, micheal, josh, barbie.....matt and karima had 2 go so that ment the guitar had 2 go too!
so they went
rhyan went 2 get sum weed 4 dom at his house ..so rhyan and dom went 2 rhyans house
david arrived so did becca his g/f
oh yh jo was there she was high..so was emily!
izzy was teasin them
the rhyan came bk
he sat next 2 me but neva sed nethink 2 me...afta bout 30 mins i went home sed ma goodbyes and gave evry1 hugs
wen i went 2 give rhyan a hug he neva hugged me he turned away then ben sed rhyan then rhyan looked at me and sed oh srry...i sed so k and gave him a hug!i was sooo upset!
..................xxxxxxxxxx...............
|
Hey....
I've got good news adair and tony r goin out instead of tony and taylor or tony and cierra adair and tony make a really good couple and alwayz will i hope they last 4ever i only wish i would find true love soon but i wont i already no!!! |
I'm stripped and vital,
Still seeking the things that almost fit.
I’ve recreated my misery once again.
Oh how repetition comforts me.
Still, maybe if I turn my heart so black my lungs retaliate,
I will sink deeper into euphoria.
But will I once again be bound in motion?
The unending void that seems so consuming
Astray in all the pantomime;
The only thing worthy enough to emulate?
But I am my own derision,
Through this unarmed impalement.
I can't solve a problem I don’t yet know of.
The sweetest dreams have murdered me,
A drained battery, numb limbs, a walking coma
So enticing they blind my starving eyes.
I have no hesitation for my perception
With a forbidden tongue and expectations
I'm a victim of my own fucking tragedy,
Petrified, I lose the will to fight.
© Kayla Amanda Michelle Christeson 2006 |
| hello i am listen 2 HIM right now (aka) my favorite band in the whole wide world!! but ok...by!:))) |
whats up im missing my boyfriend
yea time gets hard. but im going to
make it |
| I dont know what to do the relationship that im on right now seems to be breaking aoart before my two blinded eyes KARA is her name but i dont if she has the same feeling that i have for her. im just scared and dont know what to do because ive done my share of not showing my emotions for her and i guess thats why shes acting that way someone help me i need of advise desperatly someone please help |
| I hate valentimes day it like haves me remeber what a failer I am in love but its weird cause in nevada when I lived with my mon I had the boys all over me.....lol.....but its crazy its proabaly cause the competion is harder but anyway who gives a shit about valentimes either its all bogus its the only reason people date each other cause there's a fucking national hoilday for it sooo.......anyway I guess im going to the crazy v-day dance cause im not gonna be bored while everones having fun sooo even though I rather be skateboarding all over the poser bitches anyway lifes a bitch nothin to it....rock on bitches.....PEYCE |
| lately i have done things i shouldnt have done. i have lied and cheated though things to get out of it.i have yell and hit people. people keep telling me they want to die. i am try to stop my daily thoughts of dying and cutting my wrists. i just want it all to end...................... |
as a stick hits,
the water,
the wave begans,
just like a blade through skin,
!!!!!!!!save my blood,
i 've cut my skin,
losting blood,
don't know where to began,
ooooooooooooooo,
if you seen t.v,
and c.s.i,
imagine that happening to me,
here is why,
!!!!!!!! save my blood,
i've cut my skin,
losting blood,
don't know where to began,
oooooooooooooooooooo,
the puddle on my floor,
turns to a steam,
the screams in the room,
deafen the dmeaned,
!!!!!!! save my blood,
i've cut my skin,
losting blood,
don't know where to began,
ooooooooooooooooooooooo,
help me please,
give me help,
i don't want to end like this,
if this is a dream wake up NOW,
please i am falling fainting now,
dead now, |
Another day just passed away, i feel just the same, no better, no worse, just the same damn undescribable feeling inside my heart.
Another day just passed away and i did nothing, the world is the same, my words r like wind, no one hears to me, i cant change the world, i tryed but i failed,a nd the world is the same
Another day just passed away and now in the night im wishing i can vanish away the scars, the pain, the hate
Aother day passed away and everything is the same
(plz dont copy it, its a hrd work i made) |
if you are feeling,
a little bit dead,
and you are all alone,
call upon her.........,
and watch the darkness go.......,
oooooooooooooooooo,
we live in fear of her,
oooooooooooooooooo,
but we still love her,
oooooooo,
can we run away,
away from all this sickness,
burn the papers that contols us,
and reveal all their secrults,
lost all thoughts,
lost into deepest,
rip the voices of our lifes,
speakless,
guitar solo and then finishses with a scream
oooooooooooooooo,
we live in fear of her,
oooooooooooooooo,
but we still love her,
oooooooo,
please let's all help her,
get together and save a follower
|
| HEY guys well i guess u want a update well ben knows how i feel and we met up last night and had the most amazing night and i think we are a item not positive yet um we stayed up watchin dvds and he is the most amazing person i have met so yeah other news i bought viva la bam (BAM IS SOOOOOOO HOTT ) and i am in love Yeah Dude i rock ! |
each day i might put new songs that i have thought of here is the first ever that i thought of.
he thinks life,
is the fate of a game,
the gun only has six bullets,
where do you aim,
he's killed six people,
there all dead,
driving me closer,
to the dead,
when he feeling life,
he is at home,
dieng on a stake,
all-alone,
|
well i wrote a song today here it is
poor men on side walks
watching the street light turn on
pepole take pitty on me
no mater how many times i say
it will only be one more week till im finaly gone
it will only be one more day
till the street lights turn on
plz dont take pitty
dont take pitty on me
couse i know its only one more hour
till the sreet lights turn on
then the dancing devils will widdle away
srry that u read that god farsakin song i obologize for that load of shit |
| omg the other day the worst of the worst happened naughty pictures got out of me how fucked up is that every1 in my skool thinks i'm the stupid ditsy titsy freshman now boo hoo hoe that sux balls oh well just had to get that off my chest oh and i should be getting sum pix of me up in this site pretty soon so yeah well i got to go so peace |
| I love him more than any band in the world they have the best music ever and if they ever stop siningin i will kill them lol just playin i love them to much |
| i love ville he's so sexual !!!!!! i just love his green eyes and his sexy little arse in those leather pants !!!!!! (drool !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ) |
| Omg i finally hav a HIM email addi...well if any1 wts 2 hav fun n meet a fun chik plz email me @ oehmsy_08@hotmail.com n ill reply! i needa go n ryt up 3 ov ma essays. thnx eaps n wb k lads xoxo Sara |
| Greetings. I am Lady Shadowgirl, Princess of the Moon and Stars. My life is very complicated, and my tale is that of which bards will sing of in a few years. Nothing much else to say, cept Later! |
| today i met a new friend his name is allen he is great even tho i have only known him for like and hour i think i like him!!¡¡ |
Hi there,
I'm visiting this site regulary since last month, and I really love it!
I discovered HIM via a friend, who send me Poison girl. I liked it from the start, it's really my kind of music.
Love,
Yasmine |
hay yall wass up im the new member
and im starting a survey on how you fill aboute ville valo's new cd dark lite |
Yay! just joined and made my first journal entry!
*God I am such a loser* |
lalalalalalalala
she's dead now.....
killed even |
| umm school sux thats i really can say well im in 8th hour personal finance rightnow and it really blows but yeah wut else is well i g2g teacher is coming |
| Today I went to our annual Heritage Festival Parade,even though it rained just about all the fricken morning i found it a bit fun. Then after that there was the regular festival where you could go buy garbage that will eventually wind up in a yard sale. And food that you could buy and eat that will make you gain ten pounds with just one bite lol but there were a couple cool bands there. No one big,just local bands just trying to get started and they sounded pretty good. All in all it wasn't that bad of a festival i guess,but now i need major sleep. lol so i'll write later |
| His five heart penetrating words were followed by her four sarcastic words, "I'm glad for you." Little did she know the meaning of her own words. Did she mean it? She wanted the sarcasim to flow from her lips, but was she truelly happy for him. She would finally be lifted from the lies and abuse. She will no longer be used... The trauma continues. Those five minuscule words brought her lower into the darkness. Does she have to be in the dark first in order to reach the light? So far, the dark continues. As she answers the phone this morning she already knows what to say. She is ready to move on. How can his words be so over powering when she knows he is lying? How can he tell her that they will be together later on? USED. is she being used, or is he just not satisfied. She just wants to move on. Unfortunately there is a peice of her heart that is still entangled around his finger. The knots get tighter and tighter as she pulls madly for freedom. There is a dark part of the dilapitated herat of hers that doesn't care about the lies or the abuse. It has been the same since she meant him for the first time. All she wants is to be with him, with noone around, just the two of them. time after time they will have kids and raise them with their best interists at heart. WHY? The rest of her dilapitated heart wants to push him asside but for an unknown reason the smallest part of her heart over-powers her body. FUCK YOU ALL!!!!! |
| i hate the fact that im not alaud to play basketbal im a good player i play freeshman and jv i just hate that im in summer school and but i dont even now if i pass this grade but its ok becouse another year will be goo d not bad but im ok im just happy to be alive |
| I had a fun time at school listening to HIM downloading it on my computer |
Well this week it's just been me, Matt, Nat and Alex. At the start of the week I began working on my observational drawings I have to do for if i get into college.
We all sat in the garden last weekend and lilstened to some music. There r these chavs that insist on having their little underage drinking get togethers and playing dance music. So we decided to play our own. I had my mix CD on, Nightwish, HIM, Progidy, Marilyn Manson, Birthday Masacre and so on. I did some drawing outside too, it was a nice day.
Also its been one of those weeks when you only go to sleep when its the early hours of the mourning, and dont get up til late afternoon.
We also rented loads of movies from Blockbusters
White Noise 8/10
Spun {love it} I've seen it so many times 10/10
Phantom Of The Opera 10/10
Jay and Silent Bob 10/10, bloody funny
and some crazy chinese kung fu film, made from loads of old films, very random and obviously Alex's choice.
I also have started to make a paper mache/cardboard bust, I plan to make a mannequin style model.
Today i've been trying to revise for my 3 hour business exam thats on Monday. I'm struggling a bit, trying to remember all the equations and stuff. But at least its my last one. After that I've got so much time ahead of me.
And hopefullly today I'm gonna get some new shoes and boots.
Take care
Sophs xxx |
| my favourite band is HIM cky slayer |
| ha ha ha eddie got pansted today hilarious moment he all tries to pants sam but 5 min later sam flys out of nowhere and pantses eddie instead, i kindda feel bad cause it happined outside when it was drizzlin a lill. so when he went to go pick up his pants he had nothin under his pants so u could see everythin i guess he had nothin under there cause he wanted to feel free but hey whatever thats eddie for ya! |
| cassic i love you to but how are we going to ment i live in tulsa ok. |
| How is everyone? there i go talkin to meself again. man this website fuckin rocks hehe. woohoo tophats. please if ne 1 reads this contact me i dont want to be lonely. |
Well, I've had an extremely busy past two weeks, first me, Matt, Nat and Alex went to see The 69 Eyes, the first thing that happened coming off the train at the station was bumping into Jyrki and Bazi from the band. Jyrki whipped out some postcards for us, and then he proceeded to grab my map and look at it with a quite bewildering look on his face. Anyway we chatted to them, and they were really chuffed to have met some of theirs fans already, as Jyrki said he didnt expect to be spotted so soon. Anyway they had to get off for a sound check and got a cab, while we decided to walk it and find then venue on foot, which after miles and miles of walking! lol We got there, to bump into Bazi again, he smiles and was like 'oh so you got here' and laughed, which was cool. We sat then in the shade near the back entrance, and there were these girls who were sat right in front of the tour bus, everytime a band member got off, even if they'd already spoke to them, they mobbed them, and I mean MOBBED! Anyway Archzie came walking down next and he was really nice, i told him about 69 Eyes.org, I told them all actually. Anyway, he was like woah cool and stuff, lol and took loads of my stickers, he signed our stuff, and we got a crazy photo. Then Jussi came down and we got our stuff signed and chatted, and the annoying girls previously mentioned mobbed him, they couldnt even wait 30 seconds for me to have my photo, and just barged me out of the way, extremely rude, I was not impressed, everyone had a chance, theres no need to get like that. Anyay I didn't get my photo, but I bumped into him later, which I'll tell you about in a min. Anyway at this point Timo Timo appeared and practicly ran past us all, I don't blame him though, the girls were crazy. Once inside I chatted to their merch guy, he's toured with HIM loads and I knew I recognised him, anyway he was cool. Then we watched the show, which blew me away, they were amazing, they played songs like Lost Boys, Devils, Gothic Girl, Crashing High, Betty Blue, Dance D'Amour and a few others. After their set I went to the back cause Wednesday 13 drives me mad, at this point Jyrki came walking through the crowd to go out, I told him the show was great, and he said thanks and so on. Me and Nat went downstairs a minute later, and he was being mobbed, by the same girls! He was backed up against a wall, me and Nat got a drink and just sat on the floor for a bit. We weren't going to join the insane 'let's mob everyone gang' We'd already had the privaledge to meet them so we left him be. We then went back into the gig, and Timo Timo and Bazi were there. I spoke to Timo Timo, but the mob gang appeared again, and Bazi excited quickly lol. I then went back out and when I was sat downstairs Jussi walked by, I asked could I get a photo, and he was like 'yeah sure'. So I got my photo. Anyway after this I was getting into my dads car when I saw Jussi walking down the street, and I thought i might aswell give him something to remember me by. I didnt have my boots on at the time, so I ran down the street, shouting 'Jussi wait, i've got no shoes on, I want to give you something'. Anyway he waited and i got to him, and said I wanted to give him my lucky frog, I'd had it since I was about two. This frog is like one of those small plastic, velour covered animals you get at museums. Anyway he looked at me and went 'holy shit, you sure?' Obviously I was sure. So i gave it to him and he was like thank you so much. He then bowed, and grabbed me for a hug. It was amazing. All the guys were great. I was really grateful for one of the best nights I've had in a long time.
Then on Friday we got a call saying My Dying Bride would like some help with there filming of a thankyou video. They won a French award for Best Doom Metal band, and when we got there they wanted us to be in it. So we helped them film it. It took 4 hours to film about 5 mins worth of footage. They were a great laugh and then Becky said to me and Matt that we could come to Holland and we'd be on the guest list, so if we can go, we definately will lol. So it was a good week all round. |
Life, It trembels before you,
It undergoes your every will.
It lifts you up,
It pulls you down.
It moves you all around.
Do you see it,
Do you hear it.
Do you watch it.
No you live it,
Because it is life,
It is you.
Life,
What is it to you. |
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| Im Matt and I created the site, to find out some more about me and see some of my other work check out my section here. You can send me an email using the contact page, Im always happy to talk to fans and answer questions. |
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